By the time I was 21, I had tried to commit suicide three times and somehow was unsuccessful. I was so frustrated with God because I had a strong desire to leave this earth and terminate the dead-end life I was leading.
My heart bleeds for those who lost their lives to a vicious internal battle. I know me standing here is a because of three acts of kindness shown toward me when I was at my worst. In my last suicide attempt, it was the people who came to visit, the nurse who wanted to keep me alive- even though she decided to use the most uncomfortable procedures to pump my stomach.
There were a few things that I reflect on today as I continually find myself filled with gratitude for a chance at a new life, these reflections I believe are what kept me alive.
So here it is the three actions that I am certain kept me alive.
1. Love- Ahh, yes you should have known that would-be number #1. I didn’t have many genuine people in my life, but for those who I did have in my life, they loved me. They loved me intensely, and some never gave up on me. People who never give up on you plant a seed of resilience in your heart and mind. Though you may not know it’s there one day it grows, and it turns you into someone who never desires to give up. It's powerful what love can do when is authentic.
2. Truth. I will admit that most times that people were honest with me I honestly didn’t want to hear what people had to say. But I know today, my heart heard it all and my mind tuned in. In situations, I will recall the advice that my friends and family gave to me. Without me knowing, they were building a new woman within the fragile one. They were speaking to my soul and not my flesh and doubt.
3. Forgiveness. There is truly power in forgiveness. I can’t say that everyone I have hurt, stayed connected to me. What I can say is that I have been able to ask for forgiveness and close chapters. It brought healing in so many ways to my life and soul. It caused me to see myself differently. It’s amazing how forgiveness can help you see a whole new perspective on life and self.
My heart will never stop aching for the ones whose fears, mental illness and trauma caused them to take the gift of life from their selves. I hope that those of us who have tried and failed- Thank God, will see that there have been seeds planted in us that are
keeping us alive. There is a heavenly Father who is asking you stay around for those who couldn’t. For those, who have friends and family like whom I once were, God is calling you to do the very thing most will not do, and that forgive, love and provide them with the truth. Prayer will always make a difference. If you are related to someone, who has succumbed to suicide, to keep their memory alive by saving someone who battle is all the same.
I’m encouraging you to read my story as I share with you the struggles I faced and the forgiveness I found in getting help and receiving God
in my life. My book A Girl, Her God and Her Depression is full of truth and a happy ending.
Click the link to order. And for reading this post, you will receive $2 off of the book price with the code- chooselife17
Have a blessed day and keep on living.