I will start off by saying love is definitely not always kind. I mean if that were the case there wouldn't be so many parts to it in the word of God. At some point, we have to experience every part of it- the kindness, the gentleness, the patience and the long-suffering. There will be some areas of love that we will linger in longer than others.
I had known Eric ten years before we said, "I do.'' I can admit that 90% of that time he wasn't kind or gentle to me. We were both undoubtedly two broken souls. Love was far from what we knew, though we longed for it, we knew nothing about it. So we made it up as we went along and that cause a lot of devastation, countless broken hearts, and hardship toward others as well as ourselves.
We would get together for weekend rondevus because one thing he and I had in common was the nightlife. We both were dancers and loved to look good and dance all night long. We would party until 5 in the morning. After those party-filled weekends, I wouldn't hear from him again until it was time to party again. He was a lady's man, and I knew it yet that didn't stop me from seeing him.
I wasn't perfect and so unaware of my worth. I loved him and the chase- while being totally unaware of what it was doing to my heart. I was the jealous type. He had experienced the dangerous temper that can come out of me. A rage that would cause me to jump into strangers' cars when I found him in there with another woman and purposely crashing into his vehicle. ( Dear God, thanks for grace!Lol)
Ten years of dating and driving each other crazy the only person who ever said I love you was me. My confession of love was continuously addressed by silence on his end. One night, when he was tired of me nagging about returning the love, he turned to me in a loud bar and yelled - He didn't love me, and that wouldn't be the last time I would hear that.
I know it sounds crazy but I knew Eric loved me, we merely had glitches in both our system. We were both seeking love in all the wrong places. The people we hung with, family members who we longed to return the love, sex, and wild parties. We craved fixes that were always letting us down, and we both grew weary of love.
I know this all sounds depressing, but its reality for many people in love today- the imperfect love story.
In the mist of our relationship, here's what I know about God, He has a purpose for everything just like he did for Gomer. So did he have a plan for Eric & I. The greatest mistake Eric and I made was not following God sooner. Until this day we can't say that we are the perfect couple or that we were written in the stars. However, we can say that we saved each other lives the day we said, "I do."; Because God knows where we would have been today if he was still chasing women and I was falling in and out of relationships. Just like Hosea & Gomer, our marriage was a sacrifice to save each other from a life that could have killed us. Our union has many glitches because just like people who have been in a war you come out with battle wounds, mental scares, and flashbacks. Nevertheless, every day we work toward it, falling in and out of love every now and again, choosing each other every day.
To be continued.....
Happy Valentine's day, to my love Eric. Thanks for always being there and fighting this battle of love with me.
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