Do you know what it's like to choose life every day? I mean for some they get up, and they are all in? They don't have to battle in the morning, evening or night asking why am I here? Or God how long will I suffer in this? Be it cancer, mental disorder or the aftermath of a tragedy. And there are those who will say claim your healing, the doctor report doesn't have the final say, and this is true for God is the giver and taker of life.
But oh, baby that in between, the agony, the tears the pain and the devastation. The watching of people who seem to have it just a little better than you can be an ouch factor. Yes, yes - we need to have our eyes set on God and not on others' lives and what they have. For our prize is in the Father.
My sweet friend and sister. I write this letter as Starlight by Bethel play on my laptop. As I just finished crying and pleading with God. As my mind played today over the people, who left me because clearly, I was too much for them. My phone is a dessert only sounds of useless email alerts.
Nevertheless, after the lows, we will still find hope because no matter what there will forever be hope. We will grab hope in our children eyes, in our spouses smile, in small achievements. We will find hope in good pizza, a great book and merely making it through the day. We will discover hope in the perfect song, a funny movie and the joy that only God can give. We will find hope in our favorite scripture or quote; we will find hope that God breath in us to see another day. We will find hope in the new friends to come and the ones who left. We will find hope in art created, crafts that flow from our hands and talents that spill out from within.
This letter today is to the women who are right there with me, I want you to know, I love you and you my sister are brave. I understand the crosses you bare that others will never understand. I am aware of the anxiety, the fear and the tears that just will not stop falling. You are brave to bear this cross, to take the meds, sit under counsel and to never give up- no matter how gloomy the day has been. The truth is we may never get the answer as to why God chose us to suffer in this way, but I will say that he's there. This battle will make you resilient whether here on earth or in heaven.
Let me encourage you never to be ashamed and don't let anyone make you believe that you are less than because God made you- he saw fit for you, and he has a plan for you. Be bold, be real and be you.
He will never let you down. Today may have been a downer but my friend if we get tomorrow it is a new day to start all over again. I believe that every day we accomplish the hard things just a little more we are defeating the battle within.
Love and Light,
Meka (the woman who's fighting right along with you.)