DiaDevos: The origin of Creative depression

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The origin of I can’t was to say no to things we couldn’t do at the time not to dismantle the task we were sent to fulfill. Yes, I believe in creative depression I believe that the absence of fulfilling what we are created to do has caused many of us to sink into generational depression cycles of mothers and fathers’ daughters and sons spinning on a merry go round of becoming what they are told to be and not what they are called to be.

It is religious generations that have told young minds and hearts evolving that they can’t be what they dream about profusely because it isn’t in the bible. I’m talking about doctors, lawyers, actors, dancers, comedians, politicians, artist. Yet somehow, they missed that many of the people who love God and followed Jesus used their talents and gifts to enhance the kingdom. Then there is the lie that we haven’t arrived if we only star in a small theater and not on warner brothers, if we sing in a coffee shop and not in front of thousands. If we work pro bono and not in the mainstream, we are throwing away years of investment if we teach dance in our little studio at home rather than at Alvin Ailey. How soon forget that God can use us anywhere he just needs a willing vessel.

The lack of support and the weight of other peoples visions for us drowns us, and not everyone was taught to swim against a current of discouragement, disbelief, and lies. Some drown in them and plead for their life, and it seems the life raft is only supplied by the one who believes that your dream is juvenile and unprofitable. So, you make a deal to follow the advice of the one holding the life raft because you don’t want to die this way. This is the beginning of creative depression, years of agony smiling only on the outside, climbing your way to the top but always knowing that you are not working in your calling. And all the time your heart wonders will we ever get off this ship will we ever return the raft to the one who caused us to turn from our passion and hope. Will we learn how to swim through the current of discouragement, disbelief, and lies, knowing that God is waiting on the other side willing to guide us step by step. Or will we remain here always wondering always wishing and gazing on others live out their truth? Remember this:

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
    but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.

-Proverbs 13:12

My hope is to get us all thinking about what we are genuinely here for time is precious, and we must steward it well. And we mustn't let ourselves, fears, anxiety, depression, or people stop us from doing what God has stowed in us to influence so many.

My Prayer today is simple:

Lord make me to be what you want me to be.


DiaDevos: We all have to find our song again.

We find ourselves playing the blame game. Inwardly blaming everyone but oneself. We blame God, our family, people on television, and those who are around us. Then one day it all hits you the arrow staring right in front of you and guess who the arrow is pointing at- you.

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Well if you haven’t had this moment I have and it’s a life-changing place, a moment where all becomes silent, and the truth resounds as begins to remind you that this is ultimately your life. It’s your choice to make and what people do to you no matter if they hurt you abuse you or abandon you- we all have to find our song again. We all have to listen for the music that God created just for us. We have to barrel through the agony and hear that song that was composed just for us. The song that returns us back to our God-given rhythm.

Here are 2 facts that we know for certain and that we all have in common- we are born and we will die. However the in-between belongs to us and we must take responsibility for what we do next.

The thoughts some of us may have today:

“They hurt me.” -Take the time to heal, then ask what's next?

“I graduated with my bachelors!” -Celebrate, then ask what's next?

“My mother passed away.” -Please take the time to grieve, then ask what's next?

Because the one who hurt you moves on. The degree can't find a job itself. The love one you lost would undoubtedly desire you to continue to live a full life.

So what shall I do? I will pray with my spirit, but I will also pray with my understanding; I will sing with my spirit, but I will also sing with my understanding.

I Corinthians 14:15

Heres what I am saying that after each step there's another one and if we wait too long we will find ourselves stuck and burden down. Far, far, far away from the compass, we started on. Everything in this world was meant to test us and grow us so that we, in turn, can share the wisdom, love, and open doors with others. That is humanity and the circle of life. This is how the world turns by recycling the lessons we have learned to our youth and the next generation.

Let's think on this what if all of us gave in after every blow, after every defeat or if all of us said I have reached this point and I will stop here knowing there was more to do. Better yet what if all of us blatantly stopped living.

This is not Gods plan its far from it. The Sabbath was only one day.

The other days were created to live with contentment nevertheless outside the realm of idleness.

DiaDevos: The Sacred Space

“But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me.” ‭‭-Psalms‬ ‭131:2‬ ‭

In the last year or so, I have been open to something that most of us will not take hold too. Maybe because we have allowed it to be tarnished freely or unwillingly, perhaps it’s because we have no idea that it is happening, or could it be as it may be we were never taught to value it, so we allow the invasion. What am I speaking of our sacred space? It’s a place provided for us to feel, be, and create. A place for us to rest and take deep breaths it’s a place we created to house our love and our most precious secrets and dreams. Its a place where we have hidden God to allow him to transform us into holistic beings.


As you read this, this may take you to places where you cherish and call sacred like your home, your church, your favorite spot in nature or in the arms of the person you love. These are all divine attributes to the place that is the most sacred and that place is our souls. Not too often are we protective of this place this sweet holy place that God created was hidden in the flesh he sculpted he would never desire us to find sacredness in buildings that will fall, reserves that may come to ruin, and homes that we are constantly moving out of.

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:19-20‬ ‭

Our sacred space is housed in us our souls and hearts and they are always under attack by heartbreak, tragedies, unemployment, family disputes, a death of a loved one. They are unfortunately rocked by our human nature to feel the pain of others that we love or even see in the media. Mental disorders and physical illness are consistently there to make are our hearts weary and invent fear. Invariably this is not the devil as it is our choices returning for their dues.

“Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.” ‭‭3 John‬ ‭1:2‬ ‭

“Our sacred spaces are always being violated: “For you will not abandon my soul to Hades, or let your Holy One see corruption.” ‭‭Acts‬ ‭2:27‬

So here is what we must say to these things, I will not bow down, and I will learn to cherish the most precious things God has given me- my heart and soul by praying for discernment to help limit the calamity. I will understand that walking alone has many healing properties and I will teach my children to know that God is always in control, and we must choose to know when it is the appropriate time for love or war, quiet or to speak up. That the upkeeping of our sacred space does not just rely on the totality of people joining together in a building each Sunday, nevertheless it’s about how we live outside and when no one is watching. It’s about understanding what God has created us for and it wasn’t to be a doormat or a joyless critic. It was to walk with our enemies yet not to succumb to their deceit. Our sacred spaces are under attack spiritually because we lack in our focus on God. We must begin to look up again.

“Whoever gets sense loves his own soul; he who keeps understanding will discover good.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭19:8‬

Listen, my love trouble will come it supposed to it builds us and assesses our faith however in those times we shouldn’t compromise our souls, our beliefs, and hearts to end the storm. The storm always has an ending point; the rain will eventually stop pouring. We must go through the process and protect the space that God has given us all – our souls and hearts. Remember, we can love our enemy without letting him in our sacred space And saying no is not a sin or a one-way ticket to guilt town.

"The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.” ‭‭Lamentations‬ ‭3:25‬ ‭ESV‬‬

So may I ask you today, how will you begin to protect your sacred space? .

DiaDevos: I am a black girl & I rock!

old school

Monday night was my first year watching the award show Black girls rock. Here’s why I haven’t always felt a part of my community. For a very long time entering a room full of black people other than my family gave me anxiety.  Amongst my own people, I always felt I was being judged because it was all I knew growing up. I thought to my people I had to continually prove myself. In the past, it was the black kids in middle school who teased me, and the black boys who called me ugly. It was my Filipino, Caucasian, Spanish, and Asian friends who seem to accept me and who knows maybe behind my back they did speak ill will about me that I will never know. 

These particular situations blinded me from the beauty of being a black girl. The gifts and talents of singing, dancing, writing, and my unique style were the distinctive characteristics that made me a black girl that rocks, but I couldn’t see past the name-calling and bullying. In the midst of my anger and pain, I also began bullying others and preying on weaker people such a vicious cycle to be a part of, and I today am ashamed of those actions. 


After high school, I shaved all my hair off on a quest for my natural hair journey and wore full bright skirts and t-shirts. I felt freedom in this my creativity spoke through my fashion and I believed that being in a world of adults I wouldn’t run into the same issues I had in grade school. But I was wrong. There were crude comments made about who I was and how I dressed. 


Here’s the truth I was weak, I was not raised in a cloud of affirmations and empowerment. I wasn’t built to be secure in the woman I was nor was I schooled on the power of embracing who I was and how God created me. My upbringing lacked the understanding that working hard and not giving up on my dreams regardless of what others say was the key. 


So, understand that I am not blaming this all on what people have done or said to me nevertheless I am saying that our words and actions do have the power to make or break someone. The ability to build or uproot and knock someone off their beaten path even if it’s just for a day. 


In my life today, I have come to recognize that I have a little black girl watching me and I have to begin to teach her that her black is beautiful and how else will I do that other than showing her through the way mommy thinks of herself. How else do I show her this other than to do my best to live it out loud in front of her. How else do I instill the confidence in her other than through prayers, affirmations and teaching her to be a combination of humble and confident. 


In the award show, Mary J. Blige said, “It has taken me a while to realize that I am a black girl who rocks.” I can totally attest to this. The affirmation is real, and I plan to carry this in my heart for now on. That as a black woman I rock and as I embark on this path of accepting my culture I will see me as a woman who rocks and that my daughter will discern this, be conscious of this, and brave this.  


In all of our cultures, we have been taught that one is better than the other. That whites are superior to blacks. Puerto Ricans thinking, they are better than Mexicans. African born blacks believing they are better than American born blacks. All of these scenarios are a smack in Gods face who loves his children no matter what culture they were birth into. We are all beautiful in the sight of God, and I hope today that we will begin to focus on what is more critical in humanity. 


For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

Ephesian 2:10 



As for my black mothers and daughters, I hope that we will begin to see that our skin is beautiful, and we genuinely do rock for this main reason- God designed us, and anything he designs is radiant. 


“I think the bottom line of everything, even when we talk about healing this colorism issue in the world, is that it starts with healing yourself. Because really, you’re the only person you can control. Work on yourself and treat yourself, talk to yourself the way you would talk to somebody who you’re trying to heal.” –India Arie



My prayer today: 


That no matter who we are what color, shape or size that we love who we are and not desire to be someone else.  For loving ourselves gives us the strength to love others as ourselves. We who are parents will begin to teach the three ways of love which are to love God, ourselves, and others. 




DiaDevo 1: "She is not lost"


There I was in the middle of my of dining room floor weeping, with my heart in my mouth about what I am feeling inside. That I don’t believe that I can stay at home with my beautiful daughter 24/7. Perched and wrenched in the midst of toys and unpacked boxes, losing my crap right now because it seems no one understands what I am enduring. I scream aloud, " I had a life before all of this, and now I am lost."

Kaydence mess

And here’s my answer to you and me, “To live!” Yup, that is it! That’s my answer to all of this. To live- to keep on living for today. Here’s why this has begun to cure some of my problems. To live means to discover, to embark on journies, to associate with others, to laugh, to cry, to make plans and watch them fall apart. Living means savoring the moment, and in these sacred moments, you will hear God speak! It happens just like it does in the movies- you have a thought or a moment where the questions that have haunted you begin to be answered. 


It all starts with living one day at a time and conquering one question at a time all while still casting all you have on God. The instants of rebuilding are critical to us when we are here, broken down, and distraught. These moments can either take us entirely out or repair us. So, when you are there searching for her, engulfed in all that is encompassing and uprooting you. Can I urge you to follow these 3 small steps: 


·     Be careful with who you to speak to and don’t always be so quick to choose people who look and act like you. Find the opposers and the oldie but goodies who can impart Godly wisdom into your situation and provide more than a yes man. 

·     Go through it, no quick fixes here. Listen we live in a day and age where we want everything over with quickly, yet we find ourselves again in the same scenario down the road; that's because we didn’t allow ourselves to go through it. There are no shortcuts to a full recovery- the suffering, the rehabilitation and the birth of a new perspective, to which none of these steps can be negated. 

·     Be honest. You may come to a point at the end where you have to accept change that is happening in your life. I mean as I arrived at the end of my recovery, I found myself enrolling my toddler into preschool for 2 days a week. I realized that marriage counseling is necessary and that my faith needs some reconstruction. All of these discoveries came with one of the most powerful things we can ever gift ourselves, and that is honesty. 

We have all been lost in this world especially within ourselves. We have taken on so much that we forget that we have a purpose too. And we have to respect that about ourselves that we are not going to do and live the way the other woman lives. No shaming ourselves because you can't be the stay at home mom and no ridiculing if you fancy being the stay at home mom. This world is moving because we are all doing our part. And the life that God has created for you is beckoning you to lose yourself in him and remember he created us all for a purpose. 


“Make a careful exploration of who you are and

the work you have been given, 

and then sink yourself into that. 

Don’t be impressed with yourself. 

Don’t compare yourself with others. 

Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can

with your own life.” 

Galatians 6:4-5 (MSG)



I pray today that you find yourself in the mist of growth and acknowledgment that whatever day you are having you will see her again, and you will lose her again. That’s how butterflies are created. That's how God molds a warrior. Reminds us, Lord, that grace is always there at the end.




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